Good Luck Topping My Mom's Story

I’m fortunate to work for an authentic leader.  She brings all of herself to bear, all of the time. 

She’s been at Target for 30+ years, she has climbed the ladder, and she’s finding herself in a season of reflection as her twin daughters graduate from college and move on to write their own stories. 

During a recent team meeting, while discussing the decisions she has made as a parent and as a leader, she said something that stuck with me:   “We have to make decisions and we can’t spend our time figuring out if they are all right or wrong.  They just are.”

As she spoke, thru tears, I couldn't help but draw parallels between her and my mom.    

They are both continual learners that ended up being pioneers in their areas of expertise.  They are both women that deliberately, and materially, changed gender perceptions within male-dominated environments.  They are both individuals that have created numerous opportunities for others.  And they’re both wondering how they've done as moms.    

Recent recognition for my mamasita.

My mom’s full story is a long one and a single blog post can’t possibly do the journey the justice it deserves.  So, instead of trying to re-tell it, I’m going to focus on the lessons I've learned from watching her live it:

•          If you want something, be tenacious.
•          If someone tells you that you can’t do something, don’t accept it at face value.
•          Fear is a bitch.  She’s mean, and she’s a liar.
•          Courage is taking action even when you doubt yourself.
•          Don’t ever stop learning.
•          If you have initiative, you are ahead of at least 80% of the population.
•          Enabling your kids to experience more is a cause worth fighting for.
•          Feeling deeply often hurts.  Do it anyway. 
•          Living with the mindset of a fighter makes Grace difficult to internalize.
•          Be comfortable in your own skin.
•          Redeem your hurts or they will haunt you.
•          Root for, and directly support, the underdog.

Good stories are marked by characters that know what they want and have to go thru conflict to get it.  They include grit, love, risk, and sacrifice.  They’re about something more than the main character.

She’s still working on it, but I’d stack my mom’s story up against just about any other story that has been written.   My hope and prayer is that she’s able to read it the same way, and finish writing it with no regrets.  That’s what she deserves.

I love you, mom.  Always yours, Peter.  (Mom’s the only one that gets to call me Peter.  So don't even think about it.)

Friday Fusion, Volume 2 - Tyrone Wells, "You Still Love Me"

Tyrone Wells' album "Where We Meet" has been dominating my playlist all week.  

Great voice, mellow acoustic feel, and great lyricism.  

"You Still Love Me" is a great example.  Enjoy.  

Passin' Notes

Both of my kids will be in double-digits by the time school is out this year.  12 & 10.  Crazy. 

They are, or soon to be, in the dreaded "Middle School Years" ...<gasp>... where most of us have many-an-awkward memory (if we haven’t figured out how to block them).

So… here we are, getting ready to coach our kids thru the chaos that is adolescence, and, ready or not, here it comes. Trish and I find ourselves starting to share stories of really embarrassing social interactions as well as some mountain-top-positive moments we experienced (the latter attempting to balance out the horror of the former). 

The current topic of sharing and reflection is the ever-so-adorable “Do-You-Like-Me?” note-passing process.  The first time we fumble through explaining our feelings for another and asking if they feel that way too has to rate right up there with the most nerve-wracking times of youth. 

But it’s also one of the most beautiful, and I think it’s one that we let go of too easily as we “grow up”.   As we get older, we start letting Hallmark talk for us.  We settle for innuendo because we understand adult humor.  We get all grown-up in our language describing love.  We stop asking if the other person reciprocates.  We take stuff for granted. 

I think I wanna start passing notes with Trish.  Wonderfully awkward and innocent notes that say stuff like, “I’ve been thinking about you for a super long time and I think you’re really neat.”  And that, “I have fun when we’re hangin’ out and I think we should do that more often.”   And ask her if she feels that way too. 

That’s the stuff that skips your head and just goes straight to your heart (and melts it).  The kind of stuff that says someone likes you no matter what you’re going thru at the time.   Really good stuff. 

Say a prayer for our kids (they’re gonna need it with the two of us as their parents), then get out there and get beautifully awkward with someone you “like” really soon.  You probably both need it more than you remember.   

Cheers.  pba. 

Friday Fusion, Volume 1 - The Vespers, "Lawdy"

Song of the Week:  The Vespers, "Lawdy"

This Nashville-based quartet consists of two sets of siblings.  They're part of a growing collection of Folk-Americana groups that have grabbed my fancy over the past couple of years.  They're young, creative, and pursuing a great story.  

"Lawdy" is simultaneously light and dark - a fragile voice pursuing guidance, comfort, and support.  It rings true as it builds.  I can relate and I love it.  Hope you do to.  

Why I'm sharing them:

Music has been a faithful companion of mine since I was a wee lad.  Many a great visual memory is backed by a soundtrack in my mind. 

• My brother's basement room in our townhome in Cudahy, WI - with Rush, Boston, and Van Halen 1984 spinnin' on the turntable.  
• A front-row balcony seat in a tiny chapel on the campus of Washington & Lee University to see a large portion of the Marsalis family (Branford & Ellis) perform amazing Jazz. 
• A decade dominated by R.E.M. and one-off alternative bands keeping me company in the Ceramics Studio during all-night artistic binges
• Newly married in a top-down, doors-off Jeep Wrangler, with Santana out-dueling the wind.
• Celebrating my brother's 35th at a Boston concert with some 50-year-old pot smokers in front of us.  ("What's that smell?", "Do you have any brownies on ya'?")
• Multiple opportunities to soak in the Civil Wars - from a tiny Minneapolis to a sold-out show at the State Theatre
• Date nights with friends for Third Day, David Crowder, The Lone Bellow 
• And many more....

Last October we hosted a night with Steve Moakler - a Nashville-based singer/songwriter. I absolutely loved the process of promoting the show, organizing the logistics, and pullin' off a great night with old friends and new.

If you weren't there, I wish you could've been.  It was a blast and we'll be doing similar events in the future.  

So, until we host another show, consider these soon-to-be-weekly posts as an invitation to experience some new tunes and connect as a virtual community around a song or two.  Let 'em soak in.   

  

I'm Better at Comparing Than You Are.

I've been practicing for years. 

I've only been un-practicing (totally a real word) for about 8 months.  

In the past, when I compared myself to others, my innards looked a little something like:

• a kid that felt really small.
• a very sarcastic and negative person.
• someone that didn't like who they were.
• an entitled soul waiting to spout off on God about how much they'd been wronged.
• a selfish and resentful spirit wallowing in what wasn't or what might have been.

Just recently, my un-practicing (still totally a real word) has resulted in what I'll call "positive comparisons" - times where I've been able to see a faint outline of the path He has me on so that I can use comparison in healthy ways like: 

• getting motivated toward growth when I see folks that are farther down the path than me.
• seeking God's direction as I observe others that inspire me and that I respect.
• celebrating the successes of those that I hold dear.

In order to carry off this healthier form of comparison, we need to:

• try to love ourselves like He loves us (emphasis on try)
• care about others a little more than we care about ourselves
• get a buzz off of seeing others be successful (it's addicting, I promise)
• like a little bit of whimsy in our lives
• be patient
• respect our own journey

In short, the only time that I am not diminished when others succeed is when I trust that my Creator has me on a path that matters.  The longer I un-practice comparing, the more I realize that my story doesn't even have to be in the middle of a fulfilling chapter for it to work.  As long as my frame of mind is that He loves me and He knows what He's doing with me, I can celebrate someone else's success.  

I don't have a 3-step process to stop comparing in unhealthy ways.  If I did, steps 1 and 2 would be 'fail trying', and step 3 would be repeat the first two steps until you finally do it right every now and again.  Trial and error at its finest.  Nothing magical about it.  I still flub it up as often as I do it in a productive way.  

What I do have is a growing confidence in the fact that your story matters, that it can stand on its own, and that it doesn't have to be diminished by the successes of those around you. 


He didn't put you here to compare yourselves against His other kids.  He put you here to write your story with all of your heart, mind, spirit, and strength.  And He wants you to have that story.  Just like you want your kids to have their dreams come true.   


Let's do it together and root for each other every step of the way. 

If you've taken a few steps toward your story and have something to celebrate, let me know. 
First round's on me.  Cheers.   pba.

The Positive Side Effects of a Dead Battery

Earlier this week my phone battery died as I was sitting waiting for the bus home.  <gasp>

I didn't have my iPad and I intentionally left my laptop at the office.  
I started to twitch violently.  Well... not really...

...but it did became painfully obvious just how dependent I have become on my gadgets. It took me a few seconds to shake the mild sense of panic that hit me, but I was able to establish a totally old-school strategy: pen & paper. 

As part of my Storyline journey, one of my ambitions is to get more diligent with writing. Near-daily blogs are one of the methods that I've talked about doing as a way to learn and build some creative momentum.  

So I spent some time simply jotting notes about topics that could turn into potential blog posts. 

My kick butt People of the Second Chance Notebook

After a few false starts and self-conscious moments, a couple of concepts started to flow and I began to remember what it used to feel like prior to my smart phone addiction.  

I liked how it felt and I like the work I've done over the past couple of days since.  

The real me sleeps in my phone.  It becomes alive on paper when boxes are drawn, arrows connect ideas, and doodles fill in the gaps.  

I may just start letting that battery die more often.

So here's to your real self.  I hope you have had the chance to stumble across it over the past couple of days... I can hardly wait to hear about what it wants to do.  pba.

  

Top 10 Ways to Risk Your Life on a Suburban Bus

The Suburban Bus is its own universe.  

When you step foot inside the magic hydraulic door, you have entered into a land of unwritten, but very apparent, rules and expectations.  

If you find yourself in violation, you will know it.  Passive aggressive gasps and eye rolls will be launched in your direction and you'll see the faces of normally amiable soccer moms and cubicle-dwelling fathers take on menacing expressions.

I've been spending at least an hour a day in this other-worldly place for about the past 8 years and thought it was high-time I did a public service by peeling back the bus roof so you can peek in.  

Print out this guidance and have it with you the first time you find yourself in need of public transport.  

THE TOP 10 WAYS to RISK YOUR LIFE on a SUBURBAN BUS*

Spoken in the tone of everyone on the bus.  No one in particular.  
Once you're on the bus, you're part of the collective.  There is no individual voice.  

1. Pay Cash.  Only newbies pay cash (for a maximum of 3 business days).  All others have pre-paid cards that get scanned on the way in.  Want lazer beams to come through the back of your head?  Make a line of 10+ people wait in below-zero temps while you fumble around with your crumpled dollar bills.  Jerk. 

2. Talk.  We're ants on our way to the ant farm that is downtown Minneapolis.  Unless we've been working together, or riding the bus together for more than a year, let's keep the chit-chat to a minimum.  Thanks much. 

3. Sit on My Lap.  The bus designer made the seats narrow.  I know it sucks, but try to keep your cheeks in the designated area.  If you do accidentally sit on me (who hasn't, right?), please acknowledge the mistake and scootch back over.  Even if it means you've got a cheek hangin' off into the aisle.  Your Ben & Jerry's obsession ain't my problem.     

3a. Sit Next to Someone When There Are Completely Open Rows Available.  That's just creepy.  If there are 7 urinals on the wall and one guy is peein', you don't saddle up next to 'im, do you?  Same rules apply here - only double-up when you have to.  Perv. 

4. Bring Your Luggage.  We all know you work hard.  Try leaving at least a PORTION of your office at work tonight, OK?  Three-bag Wednesday isn't a tradition where the rest of us are from and we don't have enough room for all of your crap.  

5. Take That Call from Your College Buddy.  Save your energetic reunion for the park-n-ride parking lot, k?  If we don't want you to talk to us, we don't want you to talk to them either.  I'm playing Candy Crush over here and you're messing up my mojo. 

6. Speaking of Candy Crush.  Try turning your sound off, moron.  This ain't your living room and we're all sick of the sound effects.  

7. Try a Breathe Right Strip, Sleepy Head.  It was a long night, you're tired and maybe a little hung over.  We've all got our issues.  But seriously, if you can't stay awake for a 35-minute bus ride, try a cup o' joe on the way out the door tomorrow.  Or at least let us know we can smack you if you start snoring.   

8. Cough & Sniff.  Alot.  "Our favorite thing ever is sitting in a petri dish with you and your germs", said nobody.  Take a sick day or drive next time, k?  Feel better. 

9. Just TRY to Protect the Seat Next to You.  We all know it's comfier without someone sitting hip-to-hip.  Leaving your crap on the spot next to you so we can't sit down is not an appropriate solution.  It's legal to violate rule 3a if you're selfish enough to try to "protect" the space around you on a public bus.  Get over yourself. 

10. Get off the Bus in the Wrong Order.  It's simple.  Folks that had to stand all the way home get off first.  People in the front handicapped spots get off second.  The rest of the bus gets off, in order, row-by-row from front-to-back (think Wedding or Funeral).  If you sat your arse in the last row, that's your fault.  Be patient or risk having Gramma Betty slash your tires tomorrow morning. 

*Note: a City Bus has its own set of rules.  I don't pretend to understand them.  I'm a suburbanite through-and-through. 

Once you silently acknowledge the rules by following them for at least 6 months without a violation, you'll earn the right to talk about your kids' soccer games with folks that look familiar (but only right at the beginning and the end of the ride - see rule 2).  

Feel free to pass these tips along to your friends and family. (and enjoy your commute)

pba.